Hollywood movies are largely to blame for the fairy-tale images most people have in their minds of how love works. Somehow, the silver screen has managed to make us think that after a lot of drama, conflict and arguing, the love of our lives will suddenly come to their senses and we’ll all live happily ever after.
This isn’t realistic and it’s something that tends to happen in idealistic romance movies rather than in real life.
The truth is: your ex is not the key to your happiness.
You don’t need to have another person in your life to be happy or fulfilled. You only need yourself and your own interests, hobbies, passions and things that ultimately make you feel good.
When you first met your ex, chances are you were already happy, independent and confident. These are extremely attractive qualities to the opposite sex. So go out. Have some fun. Hang out with friends. Watch silly comedy movies that don’t make you think about him/her or that upset you. Buy a new outfit. Get a new hair cut. Work out a bit. Spend time making yourself look and feel good.
When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you become attractive to everyone around you again. Your confidence levels will naturally come back up and you’ll soon find things to be happy all around you.
There is another reason for this tactic.
Not only will it help you move past the fact that you’ve broken up with your ex, but it will help you get back in touch with the person you used to be when your ex first met you and fell in love with you.
Re-Establishing Contact with Your Ex
When you’ve spent a bit of time raising your confidence levels back to where they were before you met your ex, you’ll begin feeling better about yourself. You’ll also be in a much better position to meet with your ex once again.
Sometimes, once you stop contacting him/her, it’s enough to make them want to pick up the phone and call you to make sure you’re okay. If they have done this, you know he/she still cares for you in some way, but don’t make the mistake of meeting too soon. You want to be sure you’re feeling more like your old happy self before you do this.
However, if he/she hasn’t called and you’ve spent a couple of weeks working on your own self-esteem, you might want to try a friendly phone call just to say ‘hi’. Don’t insist you want to talk about the relationship and don’t invite him/her out for a coffee. Just let them know you wanted to say ‘hi’. This also gives you an opportunity to begin a conversation about what you’ve been up to in recent weeks since you split up. Let them know you’ve been going out, having fun and doing things for yourself.
It’s also okay to ‘let it slip’ that you’ve been thinking about him/her sometimes, too, but don’t let the initial conversation get much more involved about the relationship or the break-up. This is very important.
Also very important: before you end the conversation, mention that it would be nice to catch up at some point.
But don’t suggest a time or a place.
Playing Hard to Get, Not Hard to Want
It’s no secret that men love to chase what they think they can’t have. Unfortunately, many women take this too far and decide to date someone new in order to make their ex jealous. This never works. By immediately jumping to another guy, you’ll be letting him know that your relationship wasn’t important to you and you’ve moved on already. Even if he still did have feelings for you, he’s not likely to act on them.
The idea of playing hard to get is simply remembering not to drop everything you’re doing and rush to him/her the moment they call. Let the call go to voice mail and call them back when you’re in a happy frame of mind.
If they suggest a date, you can agree to it, but make sure you change the proposed day. For example, he/she might want to meet for coffee on a Friday. Agree to meet for coffee, but tell him/her that you’re busy Friday and that Saturday would be better for you.
It makes no difference what else you’re doing on the day suggested – call a friend, watch a movie, wash your dog – whatever. Just be sure he/she understands that you’re busy with your own life. If they want to be a part of it again, then they will need to work a little to gain your attention.
When you do eventually meet up with them again, pre-arrange another meeting so it forces you to be on a time limit. Explain that you can’t stay long and that you need to leave at an exact time. This will probably mean cutting your conversation short and, if you’ve been enjoying each other’s company, it will definitely leave him/her wanting more.
Once you’ve gotten through your first meeting together, don’t be tempted to call them right away to arrange another date. Leave it a few days and see if they call you first.
Remember, he/she has still got images in their mind of the reasons you broke up. One meeting with you being your old self isn’t going to be enough for them to forget about the problems that split you up. You will need to spend time rekindling those feelings for you if you really want them back.
Be careful with your tactics in playing hard to get, though. You really don’t want to become one of those people who is hard to want. These are the folks who cross the line of confidence, over into arrogance. They have strong opinions and they’re willing to voice them, even if it means causing arguments. They’re stubborn about being completely blameless in the relationship’s break up and they blame their ex for doing everything wrong.
If you find your thoughts crossing into negative territory when you’re with your ex, be prepared to leave the date and get out while the going is still good. If you don’t, you risk losing him/her for good.
Rekindling Your Ex’s Love for You Again
Think about it: your ex got together with you because he felt a level of attraction for you when you met. The more time you spent together, the more his feelings would have grown. Then something went wrong and the relationship ended. They may tell you they don’t feel the same way anymore, or they may have simply vanished into the distance, refusing to call you or answer your messages.
Even though the fire might be out, you can guarantee there will still be embers glowing in the back of their mind somewhere. It’s your job to fan those embers back into a spark and ignite the flames once again. If you’re serious about winning your ex back, you’ll eventually need to get to a point of discussing what went wrong in the relationship and why it ended. Just be sure you don’t make the mistake of doing this too soon.
After an emotional break up, you both need time to sort through your thoughts and work through what might have happened. Of course, when you do meet up with your ex again after being apart for a while, it’s important that you don’t bring up the subject of the break-up during that first meeting. Simply allow them to see the happy, confident version of you that they fell in love with right back at the beginning.
You may find that some people will be curious to know why you didn’t try to get them to come back or demand to know why they left, or do any of the things they would do in that situation. This curiosity alone can often be enough to make them pick up the phone and ask for another date, just to see what you’ll do next.
Of course, there are other people who will decide that you must be playing some kind of mind game and they’ll continue to remain distant from you. If your ex is one of the latter, leave it a week after you’ve met and then call them to arrange another date to meet up on a friendly level.
While these tactics might sound very simple, they’re designed to get your ex thinking about you when you’re not around. The more they think of you when you’re apart, the higher the chance they’ll want to call you again.
Rebuilding a Stronger Relationship
Wishing for the old relationship you once had to be brought back together is futile. After all, the relationship you had is ended. It didn’t work. You don’t want to fix a broken relationship. Instead, you want to work on building a new version of the relationship, only this time on a much stronger foundation.
Think about some of the things you really enjoyed about your past relationship before you broke up. Now consider some of the parts you know could cause problems or made you unhappy. Really be selective about which parts you want to carry forward into the new relationship with your ex and which bits you want to leave behind.
When your connection with your ex has been re-established and you’re beginning to date on a regular basis again, it’s time to discuss what might have gone wrong in the previous relationship. If your ex is unwilling to talk, let it drop until they are ready to discuss it. After all, if you’re playing ‘hard to get’ the right way, they should begin looking for ways to get your attention, so they’ll soon find the right time to talk about what went wrong.
However, rather than ask what went wrong, try asking what they would prefer to see done right, instead. This gives them a valid opportunity to put their problem solving skills to work and try to find ways to develop a stronger bond between you. Focusing on the positive aspects of what you both want to enjoy in a relationship can be a happy way of dealing with a sensitive issue and turning it into a bit of fun between the two of you.
If you decide instead to focus on the problems of the past or the negative aspects of the break up, you could find that it turns your conversations back to negative territory. You risk starting an argument this way. Stick to looking for the good things you can both do instead.
When you both have a clearer understanding of how you want your new relationship to be, it’s much easier to rebuild it on a solid foundation.
Too Fast, Too Soon
Many people instantly assume that once you’re dating your ex again, it must mean you’re back together in a relationship. However, your partner may not think this way. Dating is simply spending some time with each other, going out, doing things you enjoy, but it’s not a relationship. Not yet.
Don’t fall into the trap of assuming what they are thinking or feeling unless they specifically tell you. This also means you shouldn’t demand to know when they think you’ll be able to get back together, or you’ll be heading right back towards looking like that desperate person they already pulled away from. Instead, continue having fun together. Go out on dates. Make sure you’re both enjoying yourselves. And through it all, be sure you’re not the one who’s dropping everything the moment they call or wants to go out.
Even though getting your ex back might be your primary goal, you need to make your own personal life a main priority as well. After all, your friends, family, work, hobbies and interests are what make you who you are when you’re not with your ex. They’re an important part of you and they help you to keep your confidence levels up and your stress levels down.
Every now and then, let your them know you’re not available for a date and that you have other plans. You want them to continue chasing you until you’re certain that their feelings for you are growing. It won’t take very long before they are the one asking you if the relationship is back together or not.
Earning Your Happily Ever After Badge
If you’ve managed to get your ex to come back to you, be sure you’re not hiding who you truly are. People can learn little tricks about getting people fall for them so that they will act a certain way or say certain things to keep the interest alive. The problem with acting this way is that you’re not being yourself. If you’re not being yourself, then who is your partner really falling for? And what will he/she think of the real you the moment you stop the acting and start being youself again?
If you’re serious about rebuilding a relationship with your ex, don’t be tempted to try tricks or mind-games or silly tactics designed to make people love you. Just be yourself. You remember – the confident, playful, fun-loving person that he/she likes.
Be the best version of yourself that you can be. Stay positive, look for the good in things, and find ways to bring happiness into your life. Enjoy your friends, have fun with your hobbies or interests. Look your best and feel your best and your confidence will show to the world.
When all is said and done, your ex fell in love with the person you were when you first met. The chances are good that he/she will still love you for who you are. So give him/her the best version of you to fall in love with all over again.
And good luck!
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