You may think that this is stating the obvious, but apart from the obvious differences, there are vital hormonal and other biological differences that set us apart.
For example, did you know that in order for men to decrease their stress levels, they’ll often look for ways to increase testosterone? This means they’ll watch the news when they get home from a long day, seeking to find ways to spark their own “fix it” mode. This means they may enjoy grappling with other people’s problems because it sparks a need within them to try and solve the problems of the world. That may be what he is thinking about even though he might be stationary on the sofa. He will be unavailable for real-world problems while he is getting his own stress levels sorted out.
When their testosterone levels are raised, they’ll feel much better about the world and seek to remedy their own problems only after they’ve calmed down enough after a hard day at work, where they’ve spent the day trying to show their loved ones how much of a good provider they can be.
Unfortunately, women have the completely opposite biologically drives, which can cause problems within a relationship. For example, when a woman has increased testosterone levels within her body, it can actually increase her stress levels, causing her to want to fight about trivial matters that her partner can’t possibly understand.
In order to reduce stress levels, women will find ways to generate the hormone oxytocin. Curiously, oxytocin is known in non-scientific circles as the “cuddle hormone” and it’s been linked strongly to maternal behavior as well as being the bonding hormone that makes a woman want to bond more strongly with a partner.
Now, for women to create oxytocin, they need to feel loved, cherished and appreciated. When they tend to feel as though their partner is withdrawing from them, for any reason, this actually causes the hormone testosterone to flood their system instead which raises their stress levels and can tend to make them defensive.
For a man to experience a decrease of testosterone, conversely, he experiences a similar reaction where his own stress levels increase and this makes him defensive too.
Interesting stuff … eh?
How Hormones Can Ruin a Great Relationship
Think about how many times you’ve been in a great mood, looking forward to seeing your partner. You would have spent the day doing things that made you feel better about yourself. If you’re female, you might have spent some time working through your stress by talking to your girlfriends about various issues you have, which would have raised your oxytocin levels.
You would have been feeling great!
Yet, when your ex finished work for the day, he would have been stressed and wound up after a hard day. He has absolutely no desire to talk about his problems because this increases the wrong type of hormone within his system. All he wants to do is unwind – maybe solve the problems of the world sitting in front of the TV for a little while.
But he’s now faced with a partner who wants to talk and share and cuddle and be loving right at that moment where his stress levels are high and perhaps even unmanageable. He hasn’t had a chance to unwind from his own stressful day yet, but he’s now confronted with a partner who’s feeling fine and doesn’t seem to understand his needs at all. This is a simple example but do you see the problem here? Even the best relationships can be destroyed by these simple hormonal differences between men and women if there’s a lack of understanding about them.
Of course, there are relationships that go wrong for other reasons.
When Relationships Go Wrong for Other Reasons
What happens when you’ve done everything right and your ex still pulls away from you?
There are times when relationships go wrong for no reason that you can figure out at all. You may have thought everything was going great, and yet your ex decided to stop calling you, stop returning your messages and pull away from the relationship completely as though you weren’t there at all.
The shunned partner often feels as though they’ve done nothing wrong, yet the partner who has withdrawn completely may have completely different ideas about where the relationship was going in the first place.
The truth is, when humans fall in love, they release a particular hormone that is very similar to the one released by people suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This is one reason why people in love can’t think of anything else but the person they’re with, can’t eat, can’t sleep properly and can’t concentrate at work.
Of course, just because you’re feeling this way doesn’t necessarily mean your partner was feeling the same thing at the same time as you were. Just as not everyone gets hungry at the same time, not everyone gets the same feelings at the same time.
The unfortunate part about this is that sometimes one person within the relationship will begin to think about progressing the relationship further. They’ll spend time thinking about the future of the and playing out various scenarios within their minds about what will happen once the partnership progresses past the dating stage.
This can lead that person into believing that the relationship has actually evolved into something much deeper than has really happened, whilst the other person may simply be still trying to figure out what’s going on with their feelings. This is sometimes called the ‘instant relationship’. One partner thinks they’re just dating whilst the other one is already in full relationship mode and wondering why their partner doesn’t appear to be reciprocating.
The biggest mistake anyone can make in this situation is to try to convince their partner that they should be together or convince them about how much they love them. When men see this behavior in women, it can be enough to make them want to slow things down or even break away, wondering what is going on. They view their partner as somehow needy and desperate and they can sometimes pull away or even withdraw completely. Desperation and insecurity in a woman is a total turn-off for men.
Yet, there are plenty of men who are guilty of doing the exactly same thing to the women they adore. They may try to convince her that no one loves her as much as he does and try to reason with her that he’s better for her than another man. The problem with these scenarios is that they have no real grasp on what they’re doing wrong.
Recently I’ve got an opportunity to watch an awesome video tutorial regarding the above discussed subject more into details and explain how to win a man’s total devotion and enthussiastic commitment to you and your future together. I would say, it is an awesome video that I’ve seen within last six months.