Can I Really Get My Ex Back?
What was your partner like when you first met? More importantly, what were you like when you were together at the beginning?
Chances are you were both on your best behavior. You both worked hard to be sure the other person was having a good time. You also both would have overlooked any minor quirks in personality or behavior, simply because you were driven to make a good impression on the other person. Now think about the last time you spent time with your ex. Were you both enjoying each other’s company? Or were you fighting, stressed, upset or worried about what the other person was thinking?
If you were not getting along very well, the chances are that the image your ex has of you in his/her mind is the image of you arguing, angry, crying, upset and worried about the future of the relationship. This isn’t conducive to thinking happy thoughts about a positive, happy future together. Instead, they are probably thinking about ways to find someone who is more like the person that you actually were when they first met you.
That’s right – the person you were when you met. He/she would have fallen in love with the happy, confident, positive, motivated, independent person you were when you first met. You would have made him/her feel happy when he/she was with you and they would have enjoyed wondering when you were free in your busy schedule to see them again.
So … what changed?
Mistakes You Might Have Made
Are you guilty of trying to convince your ex to get back together with you, even after they’ve broken up with you? Sure, your heart might be breaking and your intuition is telling you that this is the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with. But does your ex feel the same way?
If you’ve tried calling your ex, texting, emailing or sending messages, trying to convince them that you’re the right person for them, chances are you’re driving them even further away. The problem with these constant attempts at contact is that your ex is seeing them as an act of desperation on your part. Nobody, male or female, likes desperation. It reeks of insecurity and clinginess and that’s a really unattractive trait in anyone.
Both men and women find confidence very attractive in the opposite sex. A confident person, who knows what they want and doesn’t need another person to make it happen for them, is ultimately very appealing to everyone.
Yet a person who suddenly becomes very sure that the only way they can be happy is by attaching themselves to you is all of a sudden very unattractive. Remember that your partner probably fell in love with a happy, bubbly, confident version of you.
The miserable, lonely, desperate version of you isn’t quite the same thing and your ex might be wondering what happened to the person they fell in love with. After all, the unhappy person in front of them right now isn’t making them feel the same feelings they felt when they were falling in love.
Would you feel like you were spending time with a great person if you only heard misery, arguing, begging, pleading and attempts at convincing, every time you were anywhere near that person? Of course not; you’d want to leave and go to spend time with people who are a bit more fun wouldn’t you?
So what do you do if you’ve already fallen victim to the trap of pleading or even begging them to come back to you and, as a consequence, it’s driven your ex even further away? Well that’s what we’ll consider next because, even if you’re guilty of sending constant messages or calling your ex or texting, emailing or messaging them, it may not be too late to salvage your broken relationship.
Reversing Past Problems
No matter how badly you want to, your first step in getting your ex to come back to you is to avoid contacting your ex in any way. Stop texting. Stop calling. Stop emailing. Don’t ask his/her friends about them – just stop.
Now, think back to who you were before you met. You were probably getting along just fine with your own life. You would have had your own job, your own friends, your own interests. Go back and get them rolling again the way they were before you met your ex.
Even though you might not feel like it and your own sad emotional state might make you feel like sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring … don’t. Put a smile on your face and spend time with your family and friends. Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself and your time with them.
Avoid any negative friends or people who will let you become morose about your lost love. These people won’t help you get your ex back at all so ensure you stay away from them. The key here is to bring back that happy, independent version of yourself that your ex fell in love with in the first place.
After a little while, your ex will begin to wonder why you haven’t called or contacted them in any way and they’ll begin to worry about you. You are not there yet, when this happens, but you will have made a good start. Think about it: for your ex to worry implies that there must still be a level of care for you.
So – big lesson here – stop contacting them and instead, work on what’s happening within yourself.
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